Earlier this month I had the honour of presenting at the World of Women (WOW) part of the Sydney Writers Festival. It was quite an inspiring session, with speakers who included the likes of novelist Melissa Luckashenko to a young Iraqi lady who had traveled to Australia seeking asylum.

Find out more about WOW at Sydney here.

The majority of the 'Bites' – strictly ten minutes bites of inspiration and the like – were quite deep and moving. Lucashenko's and Kristi Mansfield's were both quite brutal to be honest, forcing the audience to confront issues of rape and violence occuring on a daily basis to young women in our own cities.

I took a different tack and went for a slightly more light hearted and humourous angle. My piece was a 'Survival Guide for Chicks on Rigs…' (because you know, there are just so many of us!). I started off with a bit of a poem…and I would like to share a little bit of the presentation with you!

Aren't you frightened, they will ask,

Of the men, the remoteness, the difficulty of the task?

Why on earth do you want to do that, they will question

Where as if you were a guy, that wouldn't rate a mention.

The fact of the day is, ladies and gentlemen,

That this guide is not about survival.

We will survive – Gloria Gaynor said so.

It is about thriving and owning our power from the get go.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

Working on the oil and gas rigs, particularly as a woman, is an adventure and a half indeed.

As I am an engineer and love lists and numbers, I've put together a numbered list of suggestions, and I hope you enjoy!

Number 1.

Determine where YOUR line is, how thick YOUR skin is, how much you are willing to let slide. Factor in the 'drilling rig bonus'.

Often when a woman begins working on a rig, the men won't talk to her for some time at all. Don't take it personally, but they are slightly scared themselves (though they will never admit it!). They won't know how to react to you, what they can say around you, how thick YOUR skin is…they know something will be different now that you are here but they don't know HOW that difference will play out.

Let them take the cues from you. You have power here – a power we as women never used to have, and that is the opportunity to set the tone of the conversation.

What is the drilling rig bonus? An amorphous measure that accepts that normal society is quite different to the microcosm that is the drilling rig and so your line might be different in this situation, or might need to be slightly different. Adjust accordingly.

Number 2.

Make the most of being underestimated.

Some of the rig workers may hold the unspoken belief that a woman is less competent or deserving of a role. We all know that is not the case, but use that underestimation to your benefit! Surprise them at being AWESOME at your job and letting your actions speak for themselves. Being really good at your job is a language they understand and WILL respect, particularly out there.

Number 3.

Have a sense of humour

Nothing breaks down barriers like a bit of laughter. Being witty, sharp, or deploying quick, timely ripsotes are always appreciated (but careful not to descend into bullying).

If you aren't a regular standup comedian, try to see the humour in the everyday interactions – because there is plenty. Personally, I am terrible at being witty but I find most everything hilarious. Nothing warms a hardened man's heart more than having a laugh at a joke he cracked

Number 4.

Learn the language.

There is nothing more effective than good communication. For the sake of mirth though, here are some of the phrases I have picked up (the ones used in polite company anyway!).

I'm drier than a dead dingo's donga.

You wana run with the big dogs you gotta pee in the long grass.

They thought I did what?! That's lower than the basic wage.

I'm like a mushroom. I get fed rubbish, everything just slides off me and I only come out in the dark.

Number 5.

Be Flexible, within limits. Don't forget your rights.

The guys working in the field will appreciate flexibility, humour and cues taken from you, as illustrated previously. A level of flexibility is required, as fighting every single battle is not only ineffective, it is exhausting.

However, you must also be cognizant of your rights as a woman and individual and if things DO go too far and they DO overstep the line, stop them. Use the tools necessary if required.

You might think it is a career limiter but rest assured, it is a career killer for the other individual. The law is on your side. If you are in a situation like this – talk to someone you trust, and then make a decision and don't ever feel guilty for the actions of others.

Number 6.

Always pack more sanitary items than you might think you need. You won't be able to buy any if you're stuck out in the middle of the desert or the ocean.

There's always one really practical survival tip in every guide. This is one of those. Trust me. Oh and a word of warning, the guys LOVE blaming any mood swings on our hormones. It's great.

Number 7.

Be your version of strong.

When I started out, I thought strong only meant masculine. I think that my time on the rigs has redefinined the relationships between masculinity, strength and what it means to be a strong, feminine woman. It means something different to everyone.

Now, for me, strength is in the fact that I can not only phsyically hold my own, but that I am not afraid of the men and the environment. Strength comes from knowing who I am and that I accept the fact that I am a woman in the industry and embrace it. Strength comes from knowing that I can choose to wear, dress, behave and speak how I please – whether that's rough or refined, the strength comes from knowing I have the power and gumption to make that choice.

Strength for you can mean any number of things, and I believe figuring that out is indeed strengthening in itself.

Number 8.

Enjoy the adventure!

Working as a female in a male dominated industry will always raise eyebrows and provoke questions.

Be ready for that. Decide whether this is something you want to *embrace* and talk about or whether it is something you would like to *ignore*.

Remember that no matter how much you ignore it, you still will be the odd one out. But that's not a terrible thing. If there are enough women that want to be the odd one out, soon the day will come when that is no longer the case.

Either way, I think it says a lot that we now have the CHOICE to to participate in this previously closed environment.

Be proud of who you are, and never apologise for it.

***

So what do you think?

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The Young Minds Conference being held at Sydney Town Hall had a lucky guest for the opening session on the 17th of June – His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.

I was fortunate to be a part of the fantastic panel that flanked the Dalai Lama, including the moderator Simon Longstaff, and Professors Deborah Harcourt and Carla Rinaldi.

Check out the official conference’s blog here…

What a session! The topic was huge, “How to grow a good person”.

What a topic indeed…

***

Justice cannot be done to the morning by recounting a few simple words, but I will do my best!

An unexpected surprise was the Dalai Lama’s candour and sense of humour (especially at his own expense – it’s awesome to know I’m not the only one who laughs at my own jokes!). It is easy to forget in those simple moments that he is Nobel Laureate and the religious leader of his people.

What did he say?

He talked about the importance of family and the kindness of his mother, who ‘never showed an angry face’.

He laughed about life as a young student who was only interested in playing, as all kids are.

He ruminated on the secular nature of ethics and morals…

He took us on a journey of a spiritual man who sees goodness as not being the sole property of those with religion, but of humanity.

This, he stressed.

‘We should teach morals and ethics as a curriculum subject!’

His emphasis was profound.

To him, the values of love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, respect and the like are not values that we should, as religious folk, be protective of but should share, as they are humanity’s values.

Instead, they are secular morals that are based on biological factors that are about keeping humanity going. It was an interesting argument, and one that gives much food for thought.

***

A profound experience. I’ve had the blessing of speaking with His Holiness before, however this experience was a little different. Perhaps because I saw his obvious love for children; for their predilection to play, enjoy and be affectionate. We had a number of young people join us on the stage to ask questions; he would hold their hands, laugh with them, get them to sit on his lap…much like any elder gentlemen would treat his own grandchildren perhaps?

Let children be children, let them play and let them love, was his message.

However, don’t let us forget that we can learn from children, from their abandonment, for their honest curiosity and humanity. Let us learn from them. Let us focus on secular morals and value them more in society.

Some among us have a wealth of wisdom to share.

The Dalai Lama is one of these men.

Regardless of differences in belief, it is important to reflect on the wisdom shared, relate it back to one’s own beliefs and understand the univeral importance of humanity.

There is beauty – flawed and imperfect – but beauty nonetheless, in our collective humanity. For that reminder, I am grateful Alhamdulilah!

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A good friend of mine recommended this TEDx talk performed in Sudan and I simply love it. It talks about ambition, gumption, examples of Sudanese who have defeated the odds and ‘made it’…and is a great grass roots video for young Sudanese to watch and be inspired by.

Note that it is in Arabic, and pretty Sudanese Arabic at that!

Enjoy.

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The ‘Global Movement of Moderation Foundation’, or the GMMF for short, is symptomatic of an contradictory obsession with moderation in the Malaysian political sphere.

This contradiction has been demonstrated over the course of the Australia-Malaysia Institute’s current program, an initiative pitched as a cultural exchange between the youth of the two nations. The Malaysian Government’s Ministry of Foreign Affair’s determination to include the GMMF along the way has led to the ‘moderation‘ agenda dictating the terms and language around the program and it is clear that this is coming from the top. Why? What is this all achieving?

A more fundamental question to ask is ‘What exactly does it mean to be part of the moderate movement?’

In essence, what does ‘moderate’ actually mean?

This is a question we have been asking as a group for the last few days and have yet to receive a comprehensive answer. It seems that the concept of ‘moderation’ is something along the lines of ‘the middle path’, or more boldly, the opposite of extremism. How such an amorphous concept can be a goal however – especially when so poorly defined – is difficult to understand.

What is concerning is the use of the word ‘moderate’ when it is a word that quite clearly comes with baggage.

It means various things to various people and as a Muslim, the use of the phrase ‘moderate Muslim’ is slightly…uncomfortable.

Rather than moderate, some Muslims prefer words such as ‘mainstream’, if we have to give ourselves a label.

‘Moderate Muslims’ however, to me seems to just imply a Muslim that is lukewarm, or just ‘moderately’ interested and engaged in the religion. It makes me think – if I am a ‘moderate Muslim’, does that mean I am not a ‘good Muslim’?

It almost insinuates that it’s neither here, nor there. Just a bit, well, meh?

Different Muslims have different preferences, but it should be recognised that the word ‘moderate’ does have that connotation to many.

So clearly, the use of phrases such as the ‘movement of moderation’ when that is so poorly defined and in fact insinuates a dilution of [religious] belief is concerning and confusing.

In addition, the second issue of note is the corresponding and contradictory moves in Malaysia to politisice Islam. This has been demonstrated by the tightening of particular laws excessively and against the principles of Islam, an attitude which flies in the face of ‘moderation’.

The most recent case is naturally that of banning the use of the word ‘Allah‘ by other religions and various cases in family court that are said to terribly disadvantage women. This disadvantage is due to procedural issues and poor implementation of the law rather than of the word of the law itself.

It would seem that even one of the most outwardly progressive Muslim majority nations in the world suffers from the deep politicisation of religion, evidenced in the adoption of the word ‘moderate’. It is a word that the West love, as it is nice and not-extremist-scary. A nation that adopts this position will be internationally favoured.

Domestically however, the opposite is true. Political leaders use the religion to justify their actions in order to try gain the domestic Muslim internal support they desire.

It is an interesting situation indeed…

***

Politicisation of religion is difficult to fight without true, just, fair education, and that includes proper religious eduation that focuses not on the rituals of a religion but the spirit behind the words.

When Muslims are properly educated themselves as to their rights, responsibilities and duties as good Muslims, the true spirit of Islam – which is like any religion, lauding peace, mercy, forgiveness, et. al. – will shine through.

After all, Muslims are told to walk the ‘middle path’…

Ironic, la?

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As part of the fantastic Young Minds conference next week, I will be appearing with the Dalai Lama and a few other awesome people discussing the idea of 'growing a good person'.

It is an interesting issue, and raises a multitude of questions.

What makes a good person?

Can we 'grow' a good person?

Are there qualities that are inherently good or bad, and can we truly become 'better'?

I can't wait to tackle this issue! What are your thoughts?

***

In the lead up to the conference, I wrote the following piece for the conference blog.

***

A stroll in the self-help section of any bookstore, electronic or otherwise, will offer a wide and varying selection on how to achieve the illusive state of ‘happiness’.

Happiness seems to be a state which we should aspire to achieve and embody. However, this doesn’t seem to answer all the questions.

If we are all trying so hard to be happy, to de-stress, de-clutter and distance ourselves from anything that brings us pain and difficulty, where are we collectively heading as a society? Can we really achieve and progress if we are not interested in the meaningfulness of what we do and instead focus on our personal, individual happiness?

In her recent article, Nancy Colier asks: Why do we expect ourselves to be happy all the time? It is a pertinent question and challenges a concept that has been encouraged and celebrated strongly over the past couple of decades, particularly in the United States. The article draws from The Atlantic’s original article, which postulates There is actually more to life than just being happy.

If life isn’t about being happy, then what is it about?

Having grown up in a household with a strong Sudanese, community based culture, my younger brother and I were taught the importance of ‘duty’, and doing things with a purpose, something that offered meaning.

This wasn’t something we always understood or appreciated, as for young children and teenagers, the immediate payoff seems to be the most important thing. As time has passed though, I have begun to appreciate what my parents were trying to teach us.

Meaning can bring happiness, but in of itself is much more profound and encompassing than just ‘being happy’.

Meaning is about the concept of working for something larger than your individual person. It is about, as the psychologist who wrote the book Man’s Search for Meaning found, being a ‘giver’ instead of a ‘taker’.

It is a concept that implies a fulfilling life isn’t one that is focused on personal contentment to the exclusion of any pain, suffering, or any struggle for a better situation. Rather, a fulfilling life is one that gives individuals a reason to be happy – or at the very least, content.

Meaning can come in any number of forms, but it is often related to what we as individuals and society value.

For those who value family, meaning and ensuing happiness can come from providing for the family. For those who are more focused on their career, meaning may take the form of employment related activities. For me personally, meaning comes from working with young people and the community to help empower them, individually and as a group.

Achieving or striving for these may not always be sunshine and roses, and may not always provide immediate happiness. However, the long term strive for meaning gives depth to our lives, and value to what we contribute to in society.

It is that meaning that we can derive true happiness from, knowing that our time on this earth made an impact in some way, and that the world is a little better for us having been in it.

***

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Why the sudden interest in Malaysia? As part of the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade's Cultural Exchange program, six young Muslims from Australia are partaking in an exchange program in order to deepen cultural understanding. I have the immense honour of being one of the participants of said initiative.

Traveling through Kuala Lumpur over the last couple of days and engaging in deep and meaningful conversations with various Malaysians has been an enlightening experience indeed.

What has emerged from the conversations?

To an outsider, it seems there is an underlying undercurrent of confusion and frustration in the Malaysian population about identity, politics and religion.

***

It is important to start with the understanding that Malaysia is made up of three main ethnic groups; Malays, Chinese and Indian.

The Malays are the majority, and they are also defined in the nation's constitution as those who are Muslim and speak Bahasa Maleyu.

If you are Malay, you are entitled to many privileges under the 'Bumiputera' policies.

This leads to an interesting dilemma.

1. If a nation is seeking to be truly multicultural, an affirmative action law that racially privileges one over the others makes life difficult for those in the minority (Malays make up just under 60% of the population). What then is a 'Malaysian' exactly?

2. If the criteria to be a Malay includes being a Muslim, how does a nation separate 'Mosque' and 'State'? Does the religion simply become part of an identity of a race rather than a true spiritual practice? How do minorities fit in a society that only 'accepts' one standard version of Islam?

These are the two questions that have been at the root of many of our conversations. It seems clear that the issues are far from resolved, and the results of the recent election raise more questions than they answer.

***

There is much more to be said and shared, but this is only the beginning of the program, and I am weary of making judgements that may be unfair.

Observationally though, it seems there is an insecurity around the idea of identity, of what it means to be 'Malaysian', both individially for Malaysians and for the nation itself. It is clearly still a country that is journeying through the nation building process.

What is concerning is the politicisation of Islam and the use of the religion for political gain, or on seemingly superficial matters. This is one such example.

What this means for the future of the nation, particularly one where the opposition is a coalition of the PKR, PAS and DAP parties (i.e. Muslim Malays and Chinese Malaysians who are varied) is interesting and unknown.

***

I will no doubt learn and reflect more as the week goes by. What are your thoughts though, on how Malaysia deals with the issues of identity, as a nation and individually?

Related posts:

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So, life on the rigs never stops with the amusement! This series, ‘Crazy Rig Conversations’, chronicles a few of the G to PG rated things that get said on a rig in an everyday context that make me internally chuckle in disbelief and misguided mirth. Enjoy…

NB: Generally, each person is referred to as ‘old mate’, or OM for short.  ’Old Mate’ is Australian for ‘that random dude’, or someone whose name you have forgotten.

***

I like to have music playing in the shack.  On this particular day, I was playing a few selected Regina Spektor tunes on my boom box.  

OM: Who is that waving tart?

Me: Oh it’s Regina!

OM: Nuetroegona?! Isn’t that something you put on your face?!

***

It’s always great when the guys come and chat, but their stories more often than not revolve around their slightly crazy lives and counterparts.  This particular conversation was about an irate conversation the couple had over the phone:

OM: My wife? Oh man, she can give it. She was like a mini Saddam-Hussein on the phone today! I hope no one gives her a small country. She’d be a pretty good dictator.

***

Some of the rigs have portaloos instead of actual toilets.  Those things aren’t much fun to begin with, but particularly not after you’ve heard something like this…

OM1: Oh mate, portaloos are great.  Did we tell you about the time we had old mate in the portaloos? We saw him walking across and heading in so we got the loader and picked it up while he was in there! You should have heard him yelling!!

I became very weary of going to the portaloos after that.  It reminds me of a scene in North Country to be honest! 

***

A friend of mine who also works on site mentioned this particular gem. 

OM: As long as you’re not one of them ‘do gooders’ who wants to change the world – or let all the refugees in even though half of them are terrorists!

***

To wrap it up, here are a few gems used by the older men when they’re shocked or surprised.

“Well, Pickle my Ring!”

“Well it’s better than a poke in the eye with a forky stick!”

***

What are the outrageous and sometimes just hilarious things the people at your work say?

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Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 3 Crazy Rig Conversations: Part 2 Crazy Rig Conversations

Just a quick community announcement! Heading off for the week to Malaysia for the Australia Malaysia Institute's cultural exchange program…

Stay tuned for blogs, photos and insights from the road!

Any questions and suggestions? Particular things in Malaysia I need to do or check out?

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The Allens Law Firm just held an amazing event – Womens@Allens for Queensland week and I thought it was worth sharing and discussing before the awesomeness faded from my memory (as things tend to do so quickly these days!).

The pearls of wisdom that came out of this panel of inspiring Queensland women bear repeating.

• Don't take things personally (something especially women do, perhaps?);
• Understand that failure and risk are part of the process;
• Hindsight is 20/20 but you are who you are today because of the tapestry of your past (life's too short to wonder about what could have been!);
• Balancing family and career is always going to be a huge juggling act…but don't be afraid to ask for help either;
• Just ask! (for that promotion, for that leave…);
• …and if they say no, sometimes go ahead and do it anyway! (start your own business etc).

One last thing that came out of a conversation right at the end (and a previous conversation with a good friend) was about the 'should do's' and dealing with what society tells us we 'should be' doing – as a woman, as an academic, or an achiever etc.

 

“You should be getting a good job and climbing the ladder”

 

“You should be working harder than everyone else”

 

“You should be focusing your career”…and so on and so forth.

 

Sometimes though, the rules aren't the be all and end all. They are societal expectations and they are there because society likes people to conform.

They are not hard and fast rules. 'Should' is not the same as 'must'.

There are always exceptions to the rule, no?

The question is – are you brave enough to be that exception? We don't need permission from anyone – just ourselves.

At the end of the day, it is up to us to choose what we want to do. It is safer to get that legitimacy from an external source like a company position, but it is also just as viable to find it yourself, doing it your way.

It might not work, but at least you'll have tried. You will definitely come back from that experience a different person. After all, the best experience comes from the worst situations! What is the worst that can happen, really?

So stop waiting for someone to give you permission to break the rules and do what you feel like doing. Just…do it.

Who knows?

When have you ever felt the urge to do something different? What 'should be's have you experienced? How have you broken through…or what stopped you??

 

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For those who have clicked on this because you’re avoiding looking at your study material… this is for you

It is that time of year again! Final assignments, exams, the pointy end of the semester stick…Your stress levels may be mounting and you realise just how much you missed all semester.  Even if you’re all over it, something about exam block clogs pores and leads to internal panic…

It doesn’t have to be that way! Here are a five quick tips to get you through the end of semester stress period:

1. Get out and move!

One thing that has a tendency to evaporate during an exam block is people’s commitment to exercise.  When you realise you have X amount of hours left before an exam, spending an hour running around doesn’t seem like good value…

But it is! Take half an hour out of your morning or evening, go for a run, skip, do random push ups, kick or throw a ball around – that change of scenery and the release of endorphins which will definitely help your mood and give you a burst of motivation for the remainder of the study period.

Dosage: Daily or every two days is recommended.

Your brain works better when your body is feeling fine. True story! This infographic (click me!) says so.

2. Clear your commitments

Let people know that you won’t be readily available for the next little while.

Give people advanced notice if you have commitments that you won’t be readily available.  Set up an automatic reply on your email.  Most of your friends are probably in the same boat so they will should understand.  If you can take time off work, it is probably a good idea.

It helps when you can be focused on your study rather than being pulled away by various other commitments, breaking your concentration.  It’s all about being in the study zone.  

Dosage: Take a large dosage of commitment clearing at the beginning and it should last a couple of weeks.  Supplement the study zone with a teaspoon of sweet tunes.

This guy knows what’s up. He’s all up in the zone.

3. Get a decent amount of sleep. ESPECIALLY the night before.

Rule of thumb? Try to get at least 7 + hours of sleep the night before the exam. Even if you don’t know the content, your brain will work MUCH better with the little that it knows if you are well rested than if you are zombie-walking-sleep-deprived.

When you get to that point in the early hours of the morning where your brain doesn’t seem to absorb anything and you’ve re-read the same line five times…cut your losses and head to bed.  You’ll be much more efficient in the morning

It’s called sharpening the saw.

4. Try to eat decent food.

It helps.  It will also reduce guilt down the line.

Recommended study foods for brain and waistband purposes: Fish, nuts, vegetables, whole grains, apples and berries.  Here’s a good source.

Oh yeah and dark chocolate…

Essentially, don’t live on noodles.  If you must, at least add frozen vegies to make it slightly nutritious.

Dosage: Regular meals are recommended.  Don’t forget to keep a water bottle with you at all times! It’s all about hydration.  

No. Well, not all the time okay?

5. You only need to know 85% of the content for a HD.

You can’t learn it all.

One of the best pieces of advice that I was ever given about exams was that even the High Distinction grade isn’t 100%.  Why?

Because there is just so much content, you can’t realistically be expected to learn and remember it all.

It’s actually a freeing concept.  Be strategic in your study.  Will hours spent learning how to manually multiply 4 x 4 matrices actually give you a decent percentage increase on the exam?  Perhaps those four hours are better spent bedding down that other concept that you weren’t too sure about…

So learn what you need to and can in the time you are given, but realise that it isn’t the end of the world if you don’t know every single thing.  It’ll be right

So study hard, but not too hard.  I can honestly barely remember what I got for most of my subjects, let alone individual exams.  It’s not the end of the world (although it may feel like it).  Just do your best…and enjoy

See you at the other end!

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